Thinking of getting a cat? Think again.
There are basically two types of cat owners in the world:
- Those that keep their cat indoors.
- Those that think that’s cruel to little Muffles, and export their problems to their neighbours by letting their cat out at night.
If you fall into the second group, please think again. Your neighbours don’t appreciate their kids’ sandboxes being pooped in, or their car’s paint being scraped through every night. We’d really rather you got rid of the cat. Because you’ve become something horrible: yet another irresponsible cat owner.
“Oh, but my Muffles wouldn’t sleep on someone else’s car! She only sleeps on mine because it’s close!”
I can see tracks between your door and my car. I have caught your cat in my garden, on my steps, and deflowering my tulips. You admit your cat sleeps on your car, and I’ve seen her on mine, but you expect me to believe that your cat has some concept of personal property that keeps her off my car?
Get real.
Take care of your own problems, and stop making them mine. You may love Muffles, but if Muffles keeps wrecking my house, yard and car, I hate your cat with a passion.
Or, as Jack might say, I am using the word hate to describe your cat. Hate. Can I be honest here? I don’t like channeling Jack.
How can you tell if your cat is wrecking other people’s houses, yards and cars? It’s a really simple test: Do you let it out at night? What do you think it is doing, reading Shakespeare in a book club? If it isn’t destroying your stuff (and maybe even if it is), it’s destroying your neighbour’s stuff.